Today I woke up with an ache in my back.
My eyes, heavy as I tried
To blink the hazy vision away.
Surrounded by soft halo of sunshine
Filtering through the half-closed blinds.
Mirror showcases my hazard self
Hair a tangled mess,
I move with small baby steps;
Proceeded to dress myself in the garments of yesterday
Everything slow and dreary
I let the cold seep into my bones as I step out.
Friendly waves and shining faces
Makes the bitterness bubble in my throat
As I try to shove it down.
Today I silently wish to disappear.
With instinct stirring, telling me
Today was going to be sluggishly slow.
Tomorrow I will move on.
The blinds will be folded up,
Sunlight reaching to every corner of the room.
Wear my best clothes, adorn myself with diamonds,
Hoping my smile is convincing enough.
The mirror will portray a new reflection -
Remains of yesterday all covered up.
I will indulge in meaningless chinwags;
Enjoy myself with beer and cheap cigarettes,
Dance to my favorite tunes.
I will erase all the memories,
Burn them all,
Throw the ashes out alongside the trash.
Tomorrow I will start anew again.
Merge the broken pieces of myself
And glue all the edges together.
But yesterday cannot be forgotten.
The wound is still alive
Waiting to be triggered,
Waiting to rip itself open.
It is like a piece of bullet
Stuck between the cervices of my heart.
A mistake that,
That cannot be rectified.
Flashbacks play itself in my head,
Like a documentary,
Brought upon by the littlest of things.
Words echo around me,
“I’m leaving”, “Let’s stop this and move on.”
The questions that had flooded my mind
Make their appearance again.
Memories of my panic attack, afterwards,
Stand in the forefront.
Yesterday’s pain cannot be eradicated completely,
Just pushed to the back for the time being.